Cry Pretty

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I’m a crier. Oh lawd, I am being so serious.

Everyone shows emotions differently, but that’s okay. You may call your best friend when you’re stressed. You may hit the gym for a good sweat session. You might pour your favorite glass of Cabernet and grab the container of Ben & Jerry’s out of the freezer while carefully trying not to spill either on your white couch (this is a talent ok, trust me). You might eat Hot Cheetos knowing how terrible they are for you. You might do all of the above (guilty).

You may cry. There’s really no wrong or right way to do it.

But hold on.

Why am I even talking about this?

I’ve been feeling like a basket case of emotions lately and I’m seriously considering investing in a good waterproof mascara. I’m a crier. I feel better when I cry! I don’t always have a meltdown or anything.  Just a frustrated tear after feeling defeated, a happy glisten at my eyes because I heard some fantastic news, or a hysterical, tears streaming down the cheeks because I’m laughing with the person I love at our favorite television show.

Now sometimes I do have a breakdown. Like full-on, ugly tears, expensive mascara running breakdown. If I feel comfortable enough to do this around you, you’re stuck with me for life!

Heck, I cry at weddings. At funerals. At baptisms even. Then I look around and realize no one else is crying. I’ve even apologized for crying before! Used to, I figured okay Ang, you’ll grow out of this. You’ll be an adult.  Younger Ang didn’t know what being an adult was like.

In essence, a whole lot of stuff where the tears are justified. And so are the glasses of wine.

Nine months ago, my life was a lot different. I had a different job, lived in a completely different city, had different friends, and so much more.

Fast forward to now and things are like day and night kind of different. Between then and now I’ve cried plenty of tears (and gained a few pounds).

One day at my current job, I broke the streak. I cried over something that happened that I felt was going to be the end of the world.

One day I sat on my bathroom floor crying until I made myself sick. It felt like the end of the world.

One day I let myself be vulnerable and ugly cry in front of someone I love deeply. It felt like the end of the world.

Spoiler alert! It wasn’t the end of the world.

It’s ok to be a real, functioning human who had some pretty heavy stuff happening.

Lock ‘em up is what many of us do. We press them down, stifle our feelings, suppress any emotional expression. We tell our friends to do the same. Chill. Relax. Put on your game face. Try to be cool no matter what is happening in your life.

Many of us have the impression that emotions are bad. Some were raised in families where people didn’t express much emotion. No one ever said it was wrong to cry or to get too excited about something. But then again, no one ever did.

When we suppress our emotions, it weighs us down. It’s as if we are lugging around a heavy bag with us wherever we go. We all know what happens if we have to carry that bag for an extended period of time: The longer we carry it, the heavier it feels.

So it is with an overwhelmed soul. The longer we bear it, the heavier it feels.

Friends, let it go today. Call a friend, make time for a workout, pour your favorite glass.

Have emotions and don’t ever be ashamed of them.

Ange_Sig

 

31 Prayers

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Some of y’all might think I’m silly. I’m not even engaged, but I’ve been praying for my future husband?! I stumbled across this book on Amazon. Amazon can be worse than shopping at Target sometimes. You click on one thing and they suggest something you might like, you decide you do like it and then all the sudden your cart exceeds $100 and you’re not even sure how it happened.

I started this devotional as soon as it came in. It’s not just any devotional-the prayers are written there for you. So if you’re someone who has trouble converting a daily devotional message into a prayer, then this is for you! I’ve been using it along side my Jesus Calling devotional.

31 Prayers for my Future Husband covers so many topics you would never even think of. Things you would want in a future spouse, but maybe never thought to pray over on your own. Topics like making wise decisions, keeping good company around him, and a compassionate heart. It also calls you, as a future wife, to say well if I want my future husband to embody these ideals, I should embody them as well. This turns into you praying for yourself and changing your heart along the way.

How beautiful is it to say you’re praying for your future spouse, whether you’re single, in a relationship, or engaged. You’re praying for his heart, for his mind, for protection and for the future together. Praying for your spouse while you’re married is obviously important as well (they make a devotional for that too), but becoming a prayer warrior before the wedding will make that transition so much easier. The world we are living in needs our generation of husbands and wives to joyfully pray for each other and their relationship.

If you are in a relationship, I encourage you to insert the name of your significant other in the prayer. Speak them out loud. Start writing prayer letters to your future spouse. It all may seem silly in the grand scheme of things, but what a difference it can make.

I am going to revisit this devotional soon, but for now I’m passing it on to sweet co-worker of mine. Pick a copy up for yourself or give it as a gift- it is well worth the $12 investment. Ladies, this isn’t just for you. The man in your life can read along with their version as well.  This book will prepare, inspire, and cause a revelation in your life.

Ange_Sig

Anonymous

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Do you ever feel hidden? Maybe you’ve moved to a new place, started a new school, accepted a new job. No one sees the extra hours you’re putting in at work or all the effort you put in around your house. Have you ever entered into a new season of life? Where you shifted from being recognized to feeling unknown. When we enter hidden seasons, we can be concealed for months or years and our potential seems to go into hibernation. We don’t know if spring will ever come and awaken us again. You may feel like you have so much more to give and be, but no one can see it but you.

There is one who can see it however. God himself. The beauty He sees in you doesn’t diminish by the season you’re in. Whether we enter hiddenness by our own deliberation (relocating for a new job) or unwillingly (grief following the loss of a loved one), we can spend years feeling that the greatest part of us is submerged in the unseen. Everyone can see only see the tip of the iceberg we really are.

We must remember the most influential person in all of history spent ninety percent of his life hidden. Only ten percent of His life was spent in the public eye. Yet all of his life He was and still is absolutely indestructible.  We know practically nothing about Jesus’ first 29 chapters of His life. Eighteen years after Jesus gets in trouble for staying in the temple, Jesus emerges from his hiddenness by the Jordan River for chapter 30.

When we say we want to “live like Jesus” most of us don’t mean the hidden years. We don’t want to spend 90% of our lives living anonymously. But Jesus embraced a life of hiddenness. These years empowered Him to live an eternally fruitful life.

Let’s consider human conception. Our lives commence in the darkness of the womb. We are knitted together but concealed. Unseen? Yes. Unimportant? Absolutely not. If this hidden phase of development is prematurely interrupted, the results can be tragic. From God’s perspective, anonymous seasons are sacred spaces. They are to be rested in, not rushed through and most definitely never regretted. Not applauded but not unproductive: hidden years are the surprising birthplace of true spiritual greatness.

In moments where I am tempted to wait on the “main” course of this life. You know, the “when we get married” or “when we start a family” or “when I get my master’s degree,” I remember that my time is not some filler. God waste’s no man’s time. To Him, every “course” in our life is the main course.

Let’s imagine something for a second. Jesus had God’s divine power and calling within him every day. He woke up each morning and lived in his town unnoticed for a long time. He was not free to proclaim his mission or destiny. Everyone else was only seeing the tip of the iceberg of who He was. Most of us struggle if our callings or dreams are delayed a year, much less twenty! But in anonymous seasons, we must hold tightly to the truth that Jesus was strengthened through his hidden years. Father God is neither care-less or cause-less with how He spends our lives. When He calls us to greatness and obscurity at the same time-if we wait for it- we can change the world.

In hidden years, we may press the question of whom we will let hold the clock for the rest of our lives. When God’s timing is not our timing, whose timing will we choose? Ultimately the answer to that question depends on whom we really trust. You have to decide Father always knows best, God’s ways are perfect, and that He is never, ever late.

If you feel hidden, you are in excellent company. Savor the season and its potential. When graced with hidden years, wait because He is worth it. Keep the waters of your spirit joyful and be still while you grow.

Recently, I started doubting why I had started blogging in the first place. I felt I wasn’t reaching anyone with my words. I felt anonymous. Just a few days later, I received a letter in the mail from someone who had read my blog and appreciated the words I wrote. It reminded me when God places a calling and talent on you, He will be faithful to grow you right where you are.

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