the burden is not light

The girl in the pictures above looks happy, light, and care free. But it has taken quite some time to feel comfortable in who she is, flaws and all.

Talking about mental health and working through those issues is hard. But discussing it in the south, seems even harder.

Almost two years ago I realized my anxiety was something I couldn’t control on my own anymore. No matter how much I tried to remove stressors from my life, practice self-care, or pray about it, I just couldn’t do it on my own.

I was worrying over minute details. I was always exhausted, but couldn’t seem to find any rest in my body or my mind. Concentrating on tasks at work was hard. I became irritable over the strangest things and would allow these moods to ruin my day because they were controlling my life.

I finally decided to do something about this and sought medical help for a prescription. While it took some trial and error with different medications and took my body some time to adjust, it improved my day-to-day life tremendously. I could finally function again.

But oddly enough, I felt embarrassed I needed help. I felt ashamed every morning I pulled my little green pills out to take one. I grew up learning people who sought assistance with something like anxiety or depression basically just needed to toughen up and pray about it.

Many will say, “Oh God is just testing you, He never gives more than you can handle!” or “Your mental illness is a punishment for sinning.” I prayed and pleaded with God for so long. I felt as if something were wrong with me or I was doing something wrong and that is why I couldn’t shake the feeling of anxiety constantly overwhelming me. So why wasn’t God “fixing” me?

The prevailing culture of silence along with misguided attitudes and erroneous expectations often cause suffering believers to feel shamed, blamed and very unsupported. *raises hand*

It look me quite some time. But I finally became PROUD of myself for taking the initiative to do something. Through this journey, I have even found a therapist I love (who I should definitely visit more often.) I know some people laugh that I pay money to express my thoughts and concerns with a “stranger” every few weeks. But whew it is money well spent!

I encounter this stigma around mental health often living in the south. The idea that the disruptions in our brains can be simply solved with prayer. I have to pause and say that my faith is very strong and real and I believe in the healing powers of Jesus. But He also created modern medicine and the will and sense to utilize these resources. We get confused when we think we can’t take a prescription because it would mean we don’t trust God enough.

So friends if you are going through it or have been there before, please know you are not alone. I am so proud to see how progressive the mental health movement has become and the openness a lot of my friends and I have about needing a little extra “help.” Let’s continue that momentum and encourage others to take care of their mental health in whatever capacity they need.

Look Again.

DRESS: Blue Door Boutique; SHOES: Target (I have the higher heel version, but mine are equally as comfy to work all day in!)
HANDBAG: Louis Vuitton “Sac Plat” (This bag was investment piece for me, but it is the perfect every day work bag and is different than the normal Neverfull style!)

Even though I live in a small town, I have the privilege of working five days a week in Montgomery. So I can do all the shopping and eating I need to do that one normally couldn’t do during the week in Greenville. I unfortunately can’t get everything I need from Walmart and Taco Bell – I know some of you can relate!

When I started working in Montgomery, my foodie senses were tingling. So many new things to try! If I was stranded on a deserted island with only a few things left for the remainder of time, I could probably live off of good burgers. Thankfully for me, right around the corner from my office is one of the best burger spots around, Hamburger King.

So why am I going on and on about a burger spot, you may ask? Well I had my wisdom teeth extracted yesterday and this was my “last supper,” before the surgery. Boy did I pick a good one!

Hamburger King, which opened in 1970 is a tiny, hole in the wall spot with a few counter stools and some tables for four. It’s something you might pass by and think isn’t worth your time. Look again. If you’re into dive spots with no frills, this is the spot for you. The first time I tried it, I was HOOKED. It’s the kind of burger that makes a little mess while you eat. So be sure to go with someone you aren’t embarrassed to eat in front of 🙂

Just a friendly reminder, they only sell chips. No fries. But I find a good bag of salty Lay’s always hits the spot with one of these burgers. Also, make sure you have cash on hand. There is an ATM inside, but sometimes it’s down and I would HATE for you to miss out on the chance to eat here. The ONLY downside to this spot is the lack of pickles. I love pickles on my burger. But it’s so good that I can get over it!

I’ve been eating fairly healthy and sticking to my yoga routine when possible, so this was a fantastic cheat meal right before being stuck at home eating ice cream and soup!

To wrap this rambling post up, I wanted to say I have been very nervous about jumping back in to blogging and creating my own stationery line! Sometimes I think, my content isn’t special and the market is oversaturated with photos of girls in new clothes! Or I get worried people will make fun of me! But I realized the one thing I have that no one else has is ME! My voice, my mind, my story. So I am going to write and live out my vision and goals only as I can.

I hope if you have dreams and visions for your life, no matter what they are, you are inspired to live them out with no fear of failing. At first glance, it may appear too hard. Look again. Always look again.

Let me know what dreams you’re chasing after these last six months of 2019!