I’m a crier. Oh lawd, I am being so serious.
Everyone shows emotions differently, but that’s okay. You may call your best friend when you’re stressed. You may hit the gym for a good sweat session. You might pour your favorite glass of Cabernet and grab the container of Ben & Jerry’s out of the freezer while carefully trying not to spill either on your white couch (this is a talent ok, trust me). You might eat Hot Cheetos knowing how terrible they are for you. You might do all of the above (guilty).
You may cry. There’s really no wrong or right way to do it.
But hold on.
Why am I even talking about this?
I’ve been feeling like a basket case of emotions lately and I’m seriously considering investing in a good waterproof mascara. I’m a crier. I feel better when I cry! I don’t always have a meltdown or anything. Just a frustrated tear after feeling defeated, a happy glisten at my eyes because I heard some fantastic news, or a hysterical, tears streaming down the cheeks because I’m laughing with the person I love at our favorite television show.
Now sometimes I do have a breakdown. Like full-on, ugly tears, expensive mascara running breakdown. If I feel comfortable enough to do this around you, you’re stuck with me for life!
Heck, I cry at weddings. At funerals. At baptisms even. Then I look around and realize no one else is crying. I’ve even apologized for crying before! Used to, I figured okay Ang, you’ll grow out of this. You’ll be an adult. Younger Ang didn’t know what being an adult was like.
In essence, a whole lot of stuff where the tears are justified. And so are the glasses of wine.
Nine months ago, my life was a lot different. I had a different job, lived in a completely different city, had different friends, and so much more.
Fast forward to now and things are like day and night kind of different. Between then and now I’ve cried plenty of tears (and gained a few pounds).
One day at my current job, I broke the streak. I cried over something that happened that I felt was going to be the end of the world.
One day I sat on my bathroom floor crying until I made myself sick. It felt like the end of the world.
One day I let myself be vulnerable and ugly cry in front of someone I love deeply. It felt like the end of the world.
Spoiler alert! It wasn’t the end of the world.
It’s ok to be a real, functioning human who had some pretty heavy stuff happening.
Lock ‘em up is what many of us do. We press them down, stifle our feelings, suppress any emotional expression. We tell our friends to do the same. Chill. Relax. Put on your game face. Try to be cool no matter what is happening in your life.
Many of us have the impression that emotions are bad. Some were raised in families where people didn’t express much emotion. No one ever said it was wrong to cry or to get too excited about something. But then again, no one ever did.
When we suppress our emotions, it weighs us down. It’s as if we are lugging around a heavy bag with us wherever we go. We all know what happens if we have to carry that bag for an extended period of time: The longer we carry it, the heavier it feels.
So it is with an overwhelmed soul. The longer we bear it, the heavier it feels.
Friends, let it go today. Call a friend, make time for a workout, pour your favorite glass.
Have emotions and don’t ever be ashamed of them.